Learning how to make friends as an adult starts with creating opportunities to see the same people, taking an interest in them and suggesting time together outside your first meeting. Keeping those friendships requires continued attention: checking in, following through and allowing room for each other's changing lives.
Work, caregiving, money and exhaustion can complicate this. You do not need to become an extrovert. A more manageable goal is to create a few repeatable opportunities for connection, then notice which relationships feel mutual.
Research offers clues, but no formula guarantees friendship.
Start With the Kind of Connection You Miss
When deciding how to make friends as an adult, first identify what you miss: companionship, emotional support or shared interests.
The Centers for Disease Control and Prevention distinguishes social isolation—a shortage of relationships, contact or support—from loneliness, the feeling that your connections do not meet your needs. You can feel lonely while surrounded by people. www.cdc.gov
That distinction matters when considering adult friendships and mental health. More invitations may help someone who rarely sees others, while someone with many acquaintances may want deeper conversations.
The CDC links social isolation and loneliness with risks including depression and anxiety. However, the mental health benefits of friendship should not be presented as a guaranteed treatment. Supportive relationships can be part of caring for yourself; they do not replace professional care when it is needed. www.cdc.gov
How to Make Friends as an Adult Through Shared Activities
Look for an activity you can realistically attend more than once.
In research first published online in 2018, communication researcher Jeffrey Hall examined adults who had recently moved and students forming new relationships. More time together was associated with greater closeness; shared leisure activities also mattered.
The widely repeated estimates of roughly 50 hours for a casual friendship and more than 200 for a close friendship are not deadlines. They came from particular samples and self-reported relationships, not a universal test of whether someone qualifies as a friend.
The practical implication is to make repeated contact easier. Try a regular library discussion, volunteer shift, recreational league or accessible online group built around an activity you enjoy. Choose something affordable and compatible with your schedule.
If you are exploring how to make friends as an adult after moving, returning to the same gardening session offers another conversation without separate planning.
Ask Follow-Up Questions, Then Share Something Yourself
Learning how to make friends as an adult includes responding to what someone says instead of rushing to your next topic.
A 2017 study by Karen Huang and colleagues found that people who asked more questions, particularly follow-up questions, tended to be better liked by conversation partners. A 2025 correction addressed reporting errors and stated that the paper's substantive conclusions remained unchanged. These findings concern conversational liking, not proof of lasting friendship. www.hbs.edu
If someone mentions learning to cook, an illustrative follow-up might be: “What have you enjoyed making so far?” Offer something about your own experience, too.
The aim is an exchange, not an interview. Let personal topics develop at a comfortable pace, and respect a short answer or a change of subject. You can show interest without asking someone to disclose more than they want to.
Turn a Pleasant Conversation Into a Specific Invitation
The next step in how to make friends as an adult is turning a pleasant encounter into another opportunity to meet.
Instead of leaving with “We should hang out,” suggest a modest activity with a time attached. For example: “I'm getting coffee after next week's class. Would you like to join me?”
This is a practical suggestion, not a scientifically validated script. Its advantage is clarity: the other person knows what you are proposing and can accept, decline or suggest an alternative.
If they cannot come, avoid treating one response as a verdict on your likability. Equally, you do not need to keep pursuing someone who repeatedly declines without showing interest. Invest in connections where effort gradually moves in both directions.
Reconnect With People You Already Know
When thinking about how to make friends as an adult, do not overlook people you already know.
Research by Peggy Liu and colleagues, published online in 2022, found that people often underestimated how much others appreciated an unexpected message or gesture of contact. The studies examined appreciation for reaching out, not whether every reconnection becomes a close friendship.
An illustrative message could be: “I saw something that reminded me of our old lunch breaks. How have you been?”
A former coworker, neighbor or classmate may already share a foundation with you. Keep the message warm and easy to answer. Respect existing boundaries, including any request not to be contacted.
How to Maintain Friendships When Life Gets Busy
Knowing how to make friends as an adult is only part of the process; keeping them requires manageable ways to stay in touch.
Mayo Clinic recommends listening, being dependable and sharing feelings as ways to nurture friendships. It also emphasizes give-and-take: sometimes you provide support, and sometimes you receive it.
Translate those principles into habits that fit your lives:
- Agree on a realistic rhythm, such as a monthly walk or occasional phone call.
- Follow up on something your friend mentioned, rather than sending only general greetings.
- When canceling, suggest another opportunity if you want to meet.
- Ask whether they want advice or simply someone to listen.
- Keep private information private and follow through on commitments.
Equal effort does not mean identical message counts. Illness, parenting and difficult work periods can temporarily change someone's availability. Discuss a pattern that hurts you, rather than assuming you know its cause.
The CDC also recommends addressing conflict and negative feelings as part of strengthening social connections. www.cdc.gov
A Small Plan for the Coming Week
Put what you have learned about how to make friends as an adult into practice. The science of friendship offers guidance, not a checklist for closeness.
Try this flexible plan; it is an editorial suggestion, not a tested intervention:
- Identify one person you would enjoy reconnecting with.
- Send a brief, personal message.
- Choose one recurring activity you can afford and access.
- During a conversation, ask a genuine follow-up question.
- If the interaction feels mutual, suggest another time together.
As you practice how to make friends as an adult, measure opportunities created rather than expecting a best friend within seven days.
If loneliness in adulthood is persistent, distressing or making daily life harder, consider discussing it with a healthcare professional. The CDC recommends seeking professional help when feeling disconnected, lonely or stressed.
Understanding how to make friends as an adult is less about finding the perfect opening line and more about making room for repeated, mutual contact. Show up where connection is possible, listen with interest, make a clear invitation and continue caring after the first meeting.
Social connection and wellbeing are closely linked, but friendship is not a performance target. Start with a small action you can repeat and give promising relationships time to develop.
